I find it compelling that attitude and gratitude are nearly similar words. Perhaps we should spell it “grattitude”? There has been a wealth of kindness poured out upon me as of late. I’ve been the beneficiary of countless little things, things you can’t measure, and could be coincidence, but they happen so often, they can’t be.  I’ve also been the recipient of genuinely generous gifts of love from friends, family, and perfect strangers as of late.

And yet, today as I painted the picture above, I felt…conflicted. What the hell am I doing? This has got to be the craziest thing ever, and yet it is all coming together. But, sitting there atop the hill, looking out into the distance as if it were my future, I asked, “Can I really go through with this?” Did I even enjoy this? Have I just made a big mistake? Can I do this for a year? But then what is my alternative? The alternative is un-thinkable; to go back to just being selfish? I was still thinking on this when I ran into, or rather walked into a Starbucks. The girls working recognized me from the other day when I asked them for some cardboard and a felt pen to write, “Free Hugs”. I related to them how magical it was to give and receive a hug (and therefore love) so freely.

Leaving there, I felt better. I wasn’t sitting upon a mountain top, painting away in solitude, I was interacting with the populous—perhaps as I am supposed to. Just before returning home, I saw a guy playing guitar on a street corner. He was playing guitar on the corner trying to raise a couple bucks. I gave him what I had, and then asked to draw his picture. He and his girlfriend were from Colorado, and just upon arriving here, his car had broken down. His name was Cody, and his girlfriends name was Shea. He had driven her up here so her baby could see its father. Now he was on a street corner with a guitar trying to get home. Even though he didn’t sit still, and continued to play dancing and singing all the while, I like the drawing I did of him, and think it a good likeness.

Running home, I said to myself, “Now this kind of painting and drawing I could do for the rest of my life.” Grattitude adjustment.