Anxious? Yeah…a little.

People go camping all the time, but not every night, not in places that aren’t campgrounds/wilderness. Oh yeah, and they usually bring food with them. I’m not having second thoughts—OK, well maybe I have. But, I’m not entertaining them. It is just that when you are told, if you have faith you can move mountains. How does one know whether or not you have it?

Can you heal the lame, raise the dead, cast out demons, and walk on water? Sure it is said…if? If you have faith. Faith in what? Standing on the edge of the precipice the moment before you leap, how do you know that you can fly if you have faith?

As I stepped out today for my run of 21 miles, I thought I had faith, at least a little. I mean come on, after all I’ve seen and witnessed so far? I took the $10 that my friend Leonard gave me last weekend in case I needed it or if I saw someone else who needed it more than I. I found such a guy and the impression I had was to give it to him, I was reluctant at first, money is more scarce. Feelings of fear and self preservation consumed me, but after I thought about it, I knew it was the right thing to do, and I gave it to him. But why did I have to weigh it out before I was generous? This bugged me.

Now, however, I would have to depend upon what I was given by the Universe. The other day when I was given all that food, it was only to see, today it was in earnest. Would the universe still provide? I ran on feeling confident that it would. Confidence, is that the same as faith? I started getting thirsty, and then when I looked— I found a water spigot right in front of me.

Quantum physics, succinctly speaking, is the science of possibilities. When you are looking life is a particle; in a certain location, with a certain shape. When you are not looking it is waves of possibility. Spigots can be anywhere, but when you choose to see them, they are right where you want them. Can faith be that easy…name it and claim it?

I started getting hungry, and viola-blackberries. As I was foraging, a doe and two fauns came and started to eat blackberries too, I turned to see them, excited by their presence, but they scampered away. Too cool however. Then I found more water and some bathrooms at a park. But, these are more coincidences right? Then a sweet lady and another man with his boys asked me about my tunic, the woman and I talked for a bit, and she bought me a water without me asking.

Finally I reached my destination, and jumped into the Willamette river. The water was cold, but welcomed by my legs that were already feeling the tax derived from them by the miles of asphalt. Leaving there, I began my journey back however, my legs were dying. I tried to load up on some blackberries, but it wasn’t doing the trick. I began to get really hungry, and was scanning the trees for apples, plums, pears, nuts, anything to no avail. Then it donned on me.

If I can’t do one day without food in the middle of summer, in one of the most fertile valleys in the world, what the hell am I thinking going off and planning to go through some of the least inhabited, dry, and unforgiving parts of this country? What the hell??? I realized then and there to just let go. I can’t control it anyway, so why try. Just let go and see what happens.

I then remembered that there is food all around me. I had been so focused on fruit, that I forgot all about other things. So, I started chomping down on dandelion greens, clover, and wild onions. Next thing you know, apples and hazelnuts. Then a hose in a vacant lot, I wasn’t chomping down on it, but rather, well…you know. When I finally gave up and trusted, all the things that I wanted were given. How many times do I have to learn that lesson?

I finally made it back, but I really felt the wear and tear today. Much more than normally. Tonight my foot hurt, and the fears of not being able to start or being injured overwhelmed me. Is it possible to believe that you are healed and it will be so??? People pray for health over sickness all the time, but do they believe, do they have faith that it will be as they have asked. Do I have that kind of faith? Do you?

Help my unbelief is all I could muster. It is easy to give all your stuff away. It is easy to give money to the poor. It is easy to feed the starving and clothe the children. These things we know we can do. We may not want to, but we know we can. To do those things that are deemed impossible; raise the dead, heal the sick and lame, walk on water, and move mountains. These things are a bit different kind of a test.

It is an act of faith.

Advertisements