Life is delicious. A taste of the good life. Everyone has sampled it, which is why we crave it. Our vacations are so splendid that we all clamor into doing things we don’t love, just so we can get back to that island of paradise; to the things we do love.

While lying on that exotic beach with only a book, a blanket, and a beer, you realize the only thing you might lack is nothing. Tranquil, with so little.

Yet, when we return to our two car garages filled with all the crap we’ve collected, we find our collection doesn’t leave us happy. Our stuff leaves us unfulfilled. Sometime we collect, sometimes we hoard, and yet sometimes our homes function as a distribution center for good.

But, sometimes our houses are filled because we fear. Garages so full that we can’t even park in them.

We have consumed ourselves into a coma.

Since I’ve been in San Francisco, I’ve collected a lot of things, but mostly, I’ve collected memories. Adventures. Experiences. Art. I’ve also collected a lot of love.

I’ve been able to volunteer coach at a couple of other gyms, and will volunteer at two more if I can. I have been able to communicate with a number of people that have followed this pilgrimage. Celebrate a birthday. Build a floor at a gym. Played guitar with many, and painted more.

I’m trying very hard to do a good deed by everyone that I can while I am still here. Not just to do it, but because they deserve it. Because I love them. All of them. The problem is that I am just running out of time.

Time is arbitrary, but there has to be a point where I say goodbye to everyone again.

Last time when I said goodbye to people and to civilization in order to become a lone wanderer for peace…I held on a little.

Since I’ve been back in a “somewhat” normal life, I have collected stuff. Sure there are some “things” that are material, but it is the mindsets, reactions, and comforts that might tempt me to stay or more likely influence who “Peace” has become, and needs to become again that make me the most wary.

Civilization is nice…there is a reason we have it. Holding on too tight is in itself a form of suffering. Hoarding health, comfort, wealth, or things just makes you a slave to them.

The only thing I really possess is “this” moment, and the “choice” I have in how I choose to live it. Love or not to love. Self or selfless.

From another’s vantage, it would be easy to look at how much I will lack as I return; a house, a bed, transportation, and showers mainly. We have become so inured in our routines, that it is easy to persuade yourself that comfort is happiness; that the two are equatable. I see life from both sides. I am living proof that you will get what you need. My experience also serves as testimony that your “needs” aren’t often what you expect.

Many well-intended friends have tried to entice me to stay in one way or another, for one reason or another. But, they don’t get how much I would have to give up to stay, and how much we all gain if I leave (not that I have delusions of grandeur, but rather a clear understanding of the butterfly-effect of love applied).

The road is hard. But, it is not as hard as knowing that I didn’t do what I can or what I was able…when I could. I didn’t do what I am and was able.

I need to be Peace. As such it is time to go.

 

 

 

 

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